Mondays...
And Sundays and Tuesdays. I discovered that I always feel down ard these days. Starting from Sunday, lasts until Tuesday. sometimes even feel a bit suicidal(do I have mental problems?)... I wish I have someone to turn to when I need a shoulder to cry on... Just have so many secrets that I dun feel like divulging to others besides a few of my oldest and closest friends, and they're not here with me. I wish I could have talk with yc again, face to face, not like now, just through msn. And the worst is that she can rarely go on9 coz of the stupid campus. USM dun have campus-wide coverage... I wish I could talk to you, you always lifted my spirits up whenever I got any problems...
Even choir doesn't help me much today... Just now when Adyll said about how he interpreted the song as sad, it suddenly hit me that I'm feeling very sad too, and from there my mood went downhill all the way til the end of the practice and now I feel like my heart is being stomped on and on and on and on and on.... Somehow wish that I am a robot right now, with no feelings at all, won't feel love, hatred, jealousy, betrayed, hurt, sad and pain. Wanna get run over by a train, hit by lightning, poisoned by CO, whichever way as long as the death is not long and painful. What does it mean to live anyway? You are born, u grow up, study, work, grow older, have a family, have children, grandchildren.... But what happiness in the end? U die anyway. Two generations of people tops will be the ones remembering you, that is if ur a good person. If not? give them a month and they'll totally forget who you are. So what are we doing now? Humans destroy the earth slowly by finishing up all the natural resources gradually. Burning trees. hunting animal to extinction, experiment on innocent animals for the sake of "greater good". What makes human life more important than animal? What greater good? You kill a mice, dissect and say it helps u understandphysiology. Why not do it on a human instead? Don't animal have a right to live? In the animal kingdom, predators kill to fill their stomach, in order to survive. But what do we humans do in biology labs? Kill for fun, don't tell me it's not for some of you, coz from what I heard from some of u people, u enjoy the process thoroughly. With no pity at all for the animal's life. Disgusting....
I learned not to trust anyone with secrets unless you know them well enough... and I regret to say that I'm not one worthy of trust either. I hate crowds, whenever I'm in a crowd I'd try to find a way to wriggle out. Neither do I like to be alone. I love companies of small gang of friends, like my course mates, I cherish you guys very much. I'm a very passive person, but just being around you guys make me feel secured. And oso Ferdy and Xianling, thx for being such great pals, and thx for keeping my secret, love u guys.
Brighter note:
Today Alpha did a horrible thing! He turned off the lights in LT7A after class! XD
Even choir doesn't help me much today... Just now when Adyll said about how he interpreted the song as sad, it suddenly hit me that I'm feeling very sad too, and from there my mood went downhill all the way til the end of the practice and now I feel like my heart is being stomped on and on and on and on and on.... Somehow wish that I am a robot right now, with no feelings at all, won't feel love, hatred, jealousy, betrayed, hurt, sad and pain. Wanna get run over by a train, hit by lightning, poisoned by CO, whichever way as long as the death is not long and painful. What does it mean to live anyway? You are born, u grow up, study, work, grow older, have a family, have children, grandchildren.... But what happiness in the end? U die anyway. Two generations of people tops will be the ones remembering you, that is if ur a good person. If not? give them a month and they'll totally forget who you are. So what are we doing now? Humans destroy the earth slowly by finishing up all the natural resources gradually. Burning trees. hunting animal to extinction, experiment on innocent animals for the sake of "greater good". What makes human life more important than animal? What greater good? You kill a mice, dissect and say it helps u understandphysiology. Why not do it on a human instead? Don't animal have a right to live? In the animal kingdom, predators kill to fill their stomach, in order to survive. But what do we humans do in biology labs? Kill for fun, don't tell me it's not for some of you, coz from what I heard from some of u people, u enjoy the process thoroughly. With no pity at all for the animal's life. Disgusting....
I learned not to trust anyone with secrets unless you know them well enough... and I regret to say that I'm not one worthy of trust either. I hate crowds, whenever I'm in a crowd I'd try to find a way to wriggle out. Neither do I like to be alone. I love companies of small gang of friends, like my course mates, I cherish you guys very much. I'm a very passive person, but just being around you guys make me feel secured. And oso Ferdy and Xianling, thx for being such great pals, and thx for keeping my secret, love u guys.
Brighter note:
Today Alpha did a horrible thing! He turned off the lights in LT7A after class! XD
Magically apparated at 10:22 PM
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