Saturday, October 17, 2009

What the Devil was doing in the first seven days?

By Nury Vittachi
Readers Digest March 09

In the beginning God created heaven and earth.
And Earth was without form and void.

And God made a circular light in the heavens, and he called it the Sun.
And God saw that the light was good.

And the Devil made a smaller light, rectangular in shape,
and he called it TV. And the Devil saw that
the light was bad.

And God made springs which came out of the ground,
oozing fountains of pure, fresh water.
And God saw that the water was good.

And the Devil invented fizzy drink.
And saw that the fizzy drinks were bad.

And God said, Let the Earth bring forth vegetables,
and the herb of the field, that the children
may grow up healthy. And it was so.

And the Devil said, Let there be deep-fried potatoes.

And God said, Let the waters bring forth 10,000 varieties
of fish, that they may provide sustenance for the children.

And the Devil arranged that the fish be smothered
in batter, deep fried, and served with deep-fried potatoes.

And God created the cattle of the field, and said,
Behold, I have given you every living creature that moveth;
to you it shall be for meat.

And the Devil showed how the meat could be minced
and turned into burgers, and suggesteth that it be always
served with deep-fried potatoes.

And on the seventh day, God rested and asked that
his children rest too, and use the day to contemplate
the wonders of creation.

And the Devil created the all-day brunch, cartoon TV channels,
and Sunday newspapers filled with articles about
celebrities, that the minds of the children be filled with rubbish
and their bodies filled with yet more
deep-fried potatoes.

And God said to they boy, Take the girl and go forth
and multiply. And of your seed I shall make a great nation,
as numberless as the stars of the heavens.

And the Devil invented the computer and recruited 10,000
demons to fill it with online battles and images of top-heavy women.
And the boy did part with the girl and
did instead cleave to the computer.

And God pointed out to the girl that he had made her
with many attractive blandishments which she could use
whenever the boy was away from the computer.

And the Devil invented the Nintendo DS Lite so that the boy
will be able to take computer games with him wherever he goes.

Now the serpent was more subtle than any
of the animals that God had created. And the Devil did
enter into the serpent and cause him to say to the girl and the boy,
The tree in the middle of the garden the Lord hath told you not to touch.
But I say unto you, if you eat of the fruit of the tree of the
knowledge of good and evil, your eyes will be opened
and you shall be as gods.

And the boy and the girl looked at the serpent
and said unto him: No thanks. We liketh not fruit.
But hast thou any deep-fried potatoes?


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